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How you are denying yourself success!

I was asked this question by one of my coaches once and it took me by surprise; I mean why would anyone do this intentionally, right?

Here's what I found out...What if I told you that we are oppressing ourselves more often than not? Allow me to explain..

Recognising the impact of your belief system.

I’m sure you’ve all heard about limiting beliefs and how they hold us back. but it’s actually far deeper than that. It’s not just one or two beliefs that you can smash through and all is good with the world…we create entire belief systems and continue to find evidence to prove the existence of these beliefs throughout our lifetime. The drawback to a successful life is whether your belief system is of the limiting kind or the kind which empowers you.

Here are 4 ways you can find out which kind of belief system is ruling you and your life. Don’t forget that all belief systems are a mixture of both empowering, as well as, limiting beliefs, so the idea of this is to gage which types of beliefs you have more of.


A heightened awareness of our emotions is critical to understanding what we believe. By identifying the emotion it’s easier to see the specific belief behind the situation. I can explain this through an example that goes like this; Amy was giving a talk at a large meeting and had anxiety about it, which can often be dismissed as a fear of public speaking or a fear of rejection, but looking closer at the specific emotions can reveal a lot more. It turned out that it wasn’t just fear, but there was also guilt. Amy was specifically afraid of feeling guilty for upsetting the audience with the information she was going to share. This highlighted a belief that she was ‘responsible for how others felt’. Staying in touch with our emotions often leads us to a much clearer picture of the beliefs and assumptions in the world of our mind.

Internal Chatter

Understanding how your mind works is paramount to achieving anything in your life, because the bottom line is that your internal chatter has the greatest impact and influence on your life and you cannot turn the chatter off for long periods of time. It exists because it’s how we experience and internalise the world we live in. You’ll find a more detailed explanation of this on a previous article, How to stop being annoyed with yourself There, I outline how easy it is to define your internal dialogue, it’s impact on you, as well as what you can do to turn the limiting beliefs into empowering ones.


I absolutely love patterns, I find them one of the easiest ways to spot limiting beliefs and they’re great indicators for highlighting consistent behaviours in yourself as well as others. A pattern is simply a repetitive way of behaviour, thought process, or problem that is repeating itself in one or more areas of your life. Take a moment to take stock, to see if you can notice repeating behaviours or problems you may be having right now; whenever you find one in some area of your life, then that’s where you have a false or limiting belief. This doesn't mean that just because you're in between relationships or jobs, you necessarily have a false belief. But if the problem constantly reappears, then you can be 99% certain a false belief is involved.


For some, this is can be the most gruelling option, but here is where you call on your courage and ask yourself challenging questions as well as answering them with a naked honesty, to help bring beliefs to the forefront. Here are some examples of the kind of questions you can ask:

What cliches, quotes or other catchy phrases do I entertain in my head and are limiting me?

What stereotypical beliefs or cultural myths am I allowing to hold me back?

How might my expectations about “what” and “how” things should happen, be obstructing the flow of my ability to make things happen?

What self-defeating meanings have I created based on perceived past failures with goals? How do these meanings limit me and become barriers to setting future goals?

What reoccurring stories, inner chatter, or mental scripts do I play over and over again in my head which disempower me?

Do I hold onto any black and white philosophies that keep me stuck in a passive way?

What rules have I created that could be stopping me from getting started with my goal?

What negative thoughts keeping popping into my head every time I think about pursuing this dream?

What unnecessary assumptions do I make about achieving and committing to this goal?

Are there any values that I’m holding onto that interfere with me achieving this goal? Do I value something that contradicts what I want to move toward?

Your beliefs influence ALL of the choices you make, both conscious and unconscious choices are derived from the same belief system. This is why it’s important to safeguard yourself from limiting and oppressing beliefs you may be unknowingly holding on to. Don’t forget, some beliefs are so ingrained into your mind, it can take some time to recognise them, however, once you know them, you can’t help but transform them. Awareness of a belief has a magic all of it’s own, only accelerated by purposeful action.

Let me know what you thought of this little exercise and if there's anything else you'd like to know about. Better still, book a free discovery session and let's really make a change into the beliefs that are limiting your success.

With love as ever

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