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  • Abby Hussein

How you are denying yourself success!

Updated: Sep 22, 2023


Confidence is Freedom

I was asked this question by one of my coaches once, and it took me by surprise; I mean, why would anyone do this intentionally right?

Here's what I found out...What if I told you that we are oppressing ourselves more often than not? Allow me to explain.

We are recognising the impact of belief systems.

You’ve all heard about limiting beliefs and how they hold us back. But it’s far more profound than that. It’s not just one or two beliefs that you can smash through, and all is good with the world…we create entire belief systems and continue to find evidence to prove the existence of these beliefs throughout our lifetime. The drawback to a successful life is whether your belief system is of the limiting kind or the kind which empowers you.

Here are four ways to discover which kind of belief system rules you and your life. Don’t forget that all belief systems are a mixture of both empowering beliefs, so the idea is to gauge which types of beliefs you have more of.

Feelings

A heightened awareness of our emotions is critical to understanding what we believe. Identifying the feeling makes it easier to see the specific belief behind the situation. I can explain this through an example that goes like this: Amy was giving a talk at a large meeting and had anxiety about it, which can often be dismissed as a fear of public speaking or a fear of rejection, but looking closer at the specific emotions can reveal a lot more. It turned out that it wasn’t just fear but also guilt. Amy was explicitly afraid of feeling guilty for upsetting the audience with the information she would share. This highlighted a belief that she was ‘responsible for how others felt’. Staying in touch with our emotions often leads us to a much clearer picture of the thoughts and assumptions in the world of our mind.

Internal Chatter

Understanding how your mind works is paramount to achieving anything in your life because the bottom line is that your internal chatter has the most significant impact and influence on your life. You cannot turn the conversation off for long periods. It exists because it’s how we experience and internalise our world. You’ll find a more detailed explanation in a previous article, How to Stop Being Annoyed with Yourself; I outline how easy it is to define your internal dialogue, its impact on you, and how to turn the limiting beliefs into empowering ones.

Patterns

I love patterns; they are one of the easiest ways to spot limiting beliefs. They’re significant indicators for highlighting consistent behaviours in yourself and others. A pattern is simply a repetitive way of behaviour, thought process, or problem repeating itself in one or more areas of your life. Take a moment to take stock, to see if you can notice repeating behaviours or issues you may be having right now; whenever you find one in some area of your life, that’s where you have a false or limiting belief. This doesn't mean you necessarily have a false belief just because you're between relationships or jobs. But if the problem constantly reappears, you can be 99% certain a false belief is involved.

Questions

This can be the most gruelling option for some, but here is where you call on your courage, ask yourself challenging questions, and answer them with naked honesty to help bring beliefs to the forefront. Here are some examples of the kind of questions you can ask:

What cliches, quotes or other catchy phrases do I entertain in my head and are limiting me?

What stereotypical beliefs or cultural myths am I allowing to hold me back?

How might my expectations about “what” and “how” things should be obstructing my ability to make things happen?

What self-defeating meanings have I created based on perceived past failures with goals? How do these meanings limit me and become barriers to setting future goals?

What reoccurring stories, inner chatter, or mental scripts do I play repeatedly in my head which disempower me?

Do I hold onto any black-and-white philosophies that keep me stuck passively?

What rules have I created that could stop me from getting started with my goal?

What negative thoughts keep popping into my head whenever I think about pursuing this dream?

What unnecessary assumptions do I make about achieving and committing to this goal?

Are there any values that I’m holding onto that interfere with my achieving this goal? Do I value something that contradicts what I want to move toward?

Your beliefs influence ALL your choices; conscious and unconscious decisions are derived from the same belief system. This is why it’s crucial to safeguard yourself from limiting and oppressing beliefs you may be unknowingly holding on to. Don’t forget that some beliefs are so ingrained into your mind that it can take some time to recognise them. However, once you know them, you can’t help but transform them. Awareness of a belief has a magic of its own, only accelerated by purposeful action.


Let me know what you thought of this little exercise and if there's anything else you'd like to know about. Better still, book a free discovery session and let's make a change to the beliefs that are limiting your success.


With love as ever




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